Nov. 21st, 2009 05:00 pm
damnednforsaken: (Default)
I rarely put anything about my real life on here anymore, but I'm just so damned frustrated right now, that I really can't help it. I'm kinda long winded, as it were, when I explain things, so if you don't want to read a dissertation, run away now.

For those of you still here... )

For those of you who didn't read all that, the long and short of it is that, right now, I truly cannot stand to be in the same state with my mother because of the way she acts towards me. I'm still a child to her, as in two-year-old child, even though I'm 19, graduated from high school, and have more responsibilities and burdens than she can fathom.

damnednforsaken: (Default)
Ugh. I'm sick again. This is the third or fourth time in a few months and I hate it. *pouts* Upside, though, I got to play with an image editor and it was cool (for want of a better word) and I made that icon up there. Whatcha think?

Very last day of Spring break, unfortunately, and school starts up again, tomorrow. The good thing is, though, that it's the last quarter of the year. *cheers* Can't wait for it to be over for the summer. Then I can go to work with Mum at her cafe. Yay! (not sarcasm)

On another note, though, I come bearing a community pimp! Please, please, please join up if you're a slasher like me. It's made by the wonderful [ profile] dfasgiles who personally invited me (I felt very loved) and is called [ profile] playinwitheboys. It's kewl, has some prompts up all ready, and I should be posting something soon. So, look for that, and join the com!
damnednforsaken: (Default)
I snagged this off of someone on myspace and thought it was pretty accurate. Take a gander, and tell me what you think.

My Personality
Openness To Experience
You are neither a subdued loner nor a jovial chatterbox. You enjoy time with others but also time alone. You can be very easily upset, even by what most people consider the normal demands of living. People consider you to be extremely sensitive and emotional. Novelty, variety, and change spice up your life and make you a curious, imaginative, and creative person. You have some concern with others' needs, and are generally pleasant, sympathetic, and cooperative. You are reasonably reliable, organized, and self-controlled.

Test Yourself Compare Yourself View Full Report

Click here to take the most insightful personality test.

Holy bajeezus! That's a long code!

On another note, the link to that Pirates thingie I was talking about is at my myspace: -Click-
damnednforsaken: (Default)
Okay, so I got my hair cut two days ago, and I haven't had my hair this short since I was four years old. And I went a little nuts with the digital camera. Hehe.


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

After )
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On Sunday, the eighteenth, I got the horrible news that one of my friends...she was killed in a skiing accident. She was only 16, a few months older than me, and I've known her since I moved to Durand. She was a redhead like me, and my family and I got back from her wake? visitation? whatever it's called about an hour and a half ago. It didn't hit me completely until I was standing in line to get inside that it wasn't just a horrible dream and she really is gone.

When I actually did get inside, after feeling like I left my toes outside since it was so cold, the waterworks started all over again. They had a slide show going of different pictures from her life, and I never thought I was going to stop crying. When I did calm down a little bit, I saw this list that she had made up of things that she wanted to do and one thing she didn't. (Damnit, I think I'm gonna start up again...) The one thing she didn't want to do, she said, was go to any of her friends' funerals until we all were at least 27.

Well, that didn't work out too well for us, did it? I'm going to hers and we're not even 17 yet. When we got in the room where her...where her body was, I made this pained little noise that Mom thought was an animal outside, and I had to turn away and bite the inside of my cheek to keep from screaming. We finally got up to where Kaitlyn was, and Mom broke down, I was close behind. Her Dad saw me, started to cry, gave me the biggest hug, and said, "You know, she loved you so much. She cared so much about you."

I lost it. I started sobbing into his chest, and when I pulled away, he said something I didn't quite catch. I said to him, "I think I got your tie all wet, I'm sorry." He said he didn't care, and let me go to his wife. I got another huge hug from her and about the same things said about how much Kaitlyn loved me and how much she cared. She started crying and when Kylee saw me, Kaitlyn's twin, she did, too. I've never seen her cry in my life, but I saw her cry then.

I went down the line of Kaitlyn's family members and got huge hugs from all of them, especially her aunt. She knows me from church and their family functions and she held me as I was just helplessly crying. I couldn't stop. And I'm starting again. Fuck.

I just...I had to write this out, not only to get it off my chest, but to give you guys a reason why I'm kinda ghosting right now. I should get some stuff out soon, but...not too soon. Heh.
damnednforsaken: (Default)
Okay,'s been a while since I've given you guys an update about me. Mostly because I didn't know what to say. And I still don't, but what the hell, right? Hn...Let me do a once-over of my last update, both so I can bring you guys up to speed and so I can catalog all the shite that I've gone through. Oh, and by the way, if I have any weird mistakes in this post, it is because I am both a little very upset and partially dyslexic.

Holy crap. Okay, well, I guess I have a lot to go over...Last time I did one of these was a little over four months ago. First off, I'm 16 now, so go me. Uhm...*Thinks a bit* Well, that's getting me nowhere. I'll just get to why I started this thing in the first place... )


Aug. 8th, 2006 01:31 am
damnednforsaken: (Default)
Okay, today in the mail Mum and Da got this thing about me from "People to People Student Ambassador Programs". It was a letter saying that I have been invited to travel to and go to school in Australia in 2007. Mum read that sentence and said "Not a chance in hell!". She didn't read all the letter at that time, though. I didn't know what it was about so later, I snatched the letter and read about it and I really wanna go. But I might have a problem.

I know Mum re-read the letter and saw that I'd only be gone for 19 days, but she didn't say anything. That's one part of the problem. Another part is that I don't know if she'll let me go. She didn't want me to go to a neighboring state for a week. God knows what it's going to take to convince her to let me go to another country for nearly three times that amount of time. I'd love to do it, but I dunno how she feels about it.

Another part of my problem is that I have a sort of deadline. I have to convince her to at least go to a meeting about it, but there's an RSVP date for the meeting: August 23rd, which is my first day of school. The meeting itself is in mid-September and hopefully if I can convince her to go to that, what she learns about the trip will help her decide if I can go or not. I think it would be really awesome if I could go. I mean, come on, how often does this happen to a dorky redhead who lives in Hicktown, USA?

I'd get to go to Australia, learn to sail, learn how to throw a boomerang (correctly for once), go hiking in the rainforest, go snorkeling in the Great Barrier Reef and stay with a local family. I mean, who wouldn't want to do that?! If anyone has some suggestions on how I can convince her, that'd be most welcome. Oh, and anyone from Sydney that could help with the whole telling about the area thing would be really loved. So, in (not so) short, I need help.
damnednforsaken: (Default)
For those of you that know about my website that has been keeping me away from LJ for so long, here's an update for you. I have I think almost all of my stories up on my Spangel page and I should be getting my Harry Potter page up soon. I have some other things to work on like the front page (which I still think sucks...)so, if you have any suggestions as far as that's concerned, I'd love to hear them. My website is here if anyone's interested.

Also, I decided to make an e-mail just for my comments and stuff off LJ because I have over 700 messages in my inbox and over half of them are LJ related. I'm like, enough is enough, and just changed it. If you want to contact me, send me a message over at Made it simple for ya. Well, I think that's it and so see ya guys! Any and all comments about my website are really appreciated, but I warn you, it's my first website so be kind to a poor newbie.
damnednforsaken: (Default)
AHH! I am such a bad, bad girl. I haven't been checking my birthday thing lately and it seems yesterday was [ profile] spikeshunny's birthday (Happy belated birthday hun!) and today is [ profile] secondhandred's birthday. Happy birthday Savvy!

I'm still working on [ profile] incasink's prezzie because the plot bunny is being a meanie poo poo head and not letting me write and I have a plot bunny for [ profile] spikeshunny's prezzie, so I really, really hope to get those out soon. And another thing taking up my time is I'm putting up a website off of geocities because I'm poor and can't afford my own domain for my fics, ficlets and any art I may do. So, when I get that up, I might post a link to it just to make it easier for my friends to not have to hunt through all of my journal entries for a story.

Anyway, enough of my rambling. My missions are accomplished. See y'all!

(P.S. Excuse me for screwing with the font in this entry. I'm testing out my html knowledge here and may do that until my site is up and running.)
damnednforsaken: (Default)
This is the first time I've ever been tagged so meep! But, [ profile] aschicca tagged me for this meme so here I go!

Tell 6 things about yourself and then tag six more people to do the same.

6 things, huh? Well, let's see...

1) Before I think 7th grade, I couldn't write a frigging essay correctly, let alone a story, but I got into Ms. Leigh's class and suddenly I could write all sorts of stuff: poetry, stories and yes, the all consuming term paper.

2) I started writing fanfic around 8th grade or so, but I was too scared to publish any of it. I think my first thing I ever put up was actually here on LJ. I think it may have been Starting Over. I dunno.

3) People say that I have creepy eyes. Why do I have creepy eyes, you must be asking. Well, some people have said my eyes are gold, others have said that my eyes are brown. My optometrist says my eyes are a light, golden brown so I suppose he wins. But, the creepy part is that when I get absolutely furious, my eyes turn red around the center or if I'm hurt and mad, they dilate to the point where there's no color left. Spooky, huh?

4) When I was around three or four, Mum took me to the supermarket and while shopping, this lady stopped us. She asked if my hair was naturally red and I said, "No, my mom dyes it every week." The lady looked all shocked and walked away. Another lady came up and asked if my hair was naturally curly. I didn't get the chance to say anything because Mum steered me away.

5) I've gotten so good at sneaking downstairs at night and controlling my breathing, movement, and heart rate that if someone walks in front of me in the dark, they wouldn't see me or hear me breathing because I can stand so still and seem like I'm not breathing at all.

6) When I joke around and introduce myself as 'the ditzy readhead with the insecurity complex', it's not really a joke. I have no clue why I'm insecure, but it does get rather annoying...

Now on to the taggage. I tag [ profile] incasink, [ profile] sexymermaid, [ profile] tamibrandt, [ profile] spankspike, [ profile] spangel_kat. Have fun!
damnednforsaken: (Default)
Alright, this might seem irrational to all y'all who are gonna read my explanation for why Ricky is an asshole, but it seems just fine to me. There was this book club that I wanted to join because, well, I'm a total bookworm and love to read. Daddy, Mum and Rick barely read at all so I suppose I read enough for all of them. Thing was, I don't have enough money for the book club just yet.

So, I thought of saving any money I could find or earn to pay for the subscription. The offer that I got in the mail is good for two years it says, so I have time. I was so psyched about it because I could do something for just me and have something that was just mine. I don't care if that sounds selfish. It's true. I do mostly everything surrounding other people and I don't have anything that is just mine because I just can't say no to people I love.

But...I now have a problem. Ricky just told me in the kitchen that he signed up for the same book club and had ordered some of the books that I liked for me. I know that doesn't sound too bad, but look at it from my point of view.

I was going to work for the money to pay for the subscription so that I could have the satisfaction of knowing I did something for myself and that I didn't do it for any other reason than because I wanted to.

Ricky doesn't have to work for his money. He gets disability because he has a few mental illnesses and was accepted to do so. He always gets whatever he wants because of those mental illnesses, never does anything for himself and uses the money for his disability for stupid stuff. (In my opinion.) Mum and Da pick up the slack for him all the time then they get weighted down by the stuff they have to do plus his and then I have to help them.

I know this may seem like I'm blowing this little situation out of proportion but I didn't want to share that book club with anyone, let alone Ricky. He's not even as sick as he pretends. I'm the only one he doesn't have snowed. I am so sick and tired of having to do stuff for other people, but I can't just stop because I love them too much to just let them fend for themselves. So, in other words, I am royally fucked.

Well, I'm gonna stop bitching and just fume for a few hours or get pissed enough and cry myself to sleep. Night all.
damnednforsaken: (Default)
I have proof! I have proof that my muse is coming back! I wrote a fairly decent poem today. So, in celebration, I'm gonna post that and the icon I made for my friend Rachel.

Poem here. )

Icon here. )
damnednforsaken: (Default)
Heya guys! God, it has been forever since I've been on here. I haven't even looked to see when I posted last but I know it was a long time ago. Now that I'm back, first order of business is to make a couple of announcements.

Announcement #1: My muse, evil little bint that she is, has gone on vacation without asking me again. Which also accounts for my long absence. But, there's some good news. She may be coming back soon. :crosses fingers: Let's hope it's really soon because I have a couple birthday prezzies to give out. :facepalm: Shite. I gotta check the birthday list thingie again. Meh. I'll check that later.

Announcement #2: From I think about July ninth through sixteenth, I won't be able to get to the internet. I probably won't have access to a computer through that time, either unless I get my laptop before I leave for Elgin with my Aunt. Which is where I'm going unless you didn't guess. But I have a slight problem. Mum doesn't really want me to go. I really, really wanna go spend some time with Auntie Nilsa and I haven't been as much as I should have, seeing as she's my god mother and all.

She said I could stay with her for a whole week and like on Wednesday of that week, we would go up to Wisconsin and go shopping, do some girly stuff and all that. I would normally say no, but I have had little to no contact with actual people outside of my family this summer and really want to go but I've got a couple problems. 1: Mum doesn't want to be by herself most of the time. Which she would because Ricky isn't around all that much when he's home and Daddy's usually working so we barely see him except for the weekends. 2: If I go, I won't be able to help around the house. Like help cook dinner so Mum can rest when she gets home from work or help Ricky get his chores done so Mum doesn't have to yell at him. :Sighs: I dunno if I should go or no. I wanna go so I can spend time with my family, but I don't want to leave Mum alone. I'm like her right hand and stuff. She depends on me because no one else helps her. If anyone has some suggestions that'd be great.

Now, on a slightly less depressing/confusing note, I downloaded a trial version of PaintShop couple nights ago and I was messing with it 'till like 4:30 this morning. I made a new icon and I'm really happy with this one because it's a whole heck of a lot less crappy than the other one's I've done.

Any feedback on that would be really awesome, too. Want. Have. Take. Just credit, okiday? Anyway, I gotta go because I have nursery duty at church tonight. :Huggles flist: I promise not to be gone so long next time!
damnednforsaken: (Default)
Snagged from [ profile] xenodike.

HA! I stalked her now she's stalking me! We're just a great big stalking family. *pause* Okay, that was bad...Lmao.

damnednforsaken's LJ stalker is xenodike!
xenodike is stalking you because they heard you are awesome in bed, and they want to find out. They are also getting with your significant other!

LiveJournal Username:

LJ Stalker Finder
damnednforsaken: (Default)
Oh. My. God. I went into to add my latest little ficlet, Contented (See previous entry), and I couldn't. Yanno why? When I tried to log in, it said invalid account and I'm like. Huh? So, I tried searching for my penname. Couldn't find it. Tried searching for my other stories. Couldn't find them either. Bloody hell! It deleted my fucking account! And now I don't even have time to rant about it because I have to get my stuff together so I can leave in five minutes. :Growls: Anyone know a good hitman for the creators of that bastardized site? Anyone?
damnednforsaken: (Default)
Wow. Uhm. I got bored earlier and so I logged into Limewire to see what episodes of Buffy and/or Angel I could find and some songs. I nearly blew out my own ear drums hitting the high notes (so proud of myself for this) in the song Inner Universe by Origa. It's from Ghost in the Shell (anime show). It was a challenge from my friend Allen to see if I could sing like that. I surprised myself to say the least. But enough about that.

My whole point of this is to show how blown away I was. I actually like an episode of Buffy. Huge shock there. I don't normally like that one because...well...I hate Buffy herself. But I got bored as I said, and I do weird stuff when bored, so I downloaded Once More With Feeling. It was awesome! The songs with James...*swoon* And I like the Fire one near the end. I have two favorite lines. One was just after Rest In Peace where Spike goes, "So you're not staying then?" and at the end when he's dancing, suddenly stops, looks at his hand and scoffs saying, "Bugger this."

I'm just all gah! right now because I got to hear all of them sing, I really love Tara's voice, it's beautiful and Xander asking if he has to be the demon's queen! Ha! *Cracks up all over again* I love how at the end, the little zombie dude for Mutant Enemy sings his 'grr arg' line. Oh my god, I'm such a dork. Lmao. I'm gonna go before I start babbling like Xander did about witches earlier in the episode. Sheesh!

Oh! Short little PS here. Does anyone know some good places to download TV shows without costing a literal arm and a leg or some good icon making programmy-things? Oh jeez. It's starting. I've gotta go before I start talking like a Scooby.
damnednforsaken: (Default)
Whee! I finally got my glasses! They are so cute! I'm gonna need to get a friend to take a pic of me with them on. But they're little black plastic ones and I'm really happy that I can see! But I will leave you with an updated pic of me before my glasses. (And yes, my shirt is wet because of my hair)

Click for the piccy. And why am I always wearing that shirt? Gah! )
damnednforsaken: (Default)
I was looking over my journal and I realized that I haven't done a post about just my life without a quiz or fic or blogthing or drabble in...Eeek! Nearly three months. Wow. So much has gone down. Recently, though, the big deal going on with yours truly is about Driver's Ed.

This is gonna be too long. Just click the link to see my ramblings... )
damnednforsaken: (Default)
I was looking over my friends page and realized that [ profile] gothic_musings finally updated! Yay! Go, Kimmy! So, I snagged a link for this from her and made my own.

Click here to see my Johari window.

And that's pretty much the whole purpose of this entry. Except I'll probably be posting some drabbles for [ profile] fluffy_spike soon. When I finally write and/or type the damn things up...


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December 2009

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