Feb. 21st, 2007

damnednforsaken: (Default)
On Sunday, the eighteenth, I got the horrible news that one of my friends...she was killed in a skiing accident. She was only 16, a few months older than me, and I've known her since I moved to Durand. She was a redhead like me, and my family and I got back from her wake? visitation? whatever it's called about an hour and a half ago. It didn't hit me completely until I was standing in line to get inside that it wasn't just a horrible dream and she really is gone.

When I actually did get inside, after feeling like I left my toes outside since it was so cold, the waterworks started all over again. They had a slide show going of different pictures from her life, and I never thought I was going to stop crying. When I did calm down a little bit, I saw this list that she had made up of things that she wanted to do and one thing she didn't. (Damnit, I think I'm gonna start up again...) The one thing she didn't want to do, she said, was go to any of her friends' funerals until we all were at least 27.

Well, that didn't work out too well for us, did it? I'm going to hers and we're not even 17 yet. When we got in the room where her...where her body was, I made this pained little noise that Mom thought was an animal outside, and I had to turn away and bite the inside of my cheek to keep from screaming. We finally got up to where Kaitlyn was, and Mom broke down, I was close behind. Her Dad saw me, started to cry, gave me the biggest hug, and said, "You know, she loved you so much. She cared so much about you."

I lost it. I started sobbing into his chest, and when I pulled away, he said something I didn't quite catch. I said to him, "I think I got your tie all wet, I'm sorry." He said he didn't care, and let me go to his wife. I got another huge hug from her and about the same things said about how much Kaitlyn loved me and how much she cared. She started crying and when Kylee saw me, Kaitlyn's twin, she did, too. I've never seen her cry in my life, but I saw her cry then.

I went down the line of Kaitlyn's family members and got huge hugs from all of them, especially her aunt. She knows me from church and their family functions and she held me as I was just helplessly crying. I couldn't stop. And I'm starting again. Fuck.

I just...I had to write this out, not only to get it off my chest, but to give you guys a reason why I'm kinda ghosting right now. I should get some stuff out soon, but...not too soon. Heh.


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